Forgiving Your Oppressor- Dr. India White

To oppress is defined as, “keep (someone) in subservience and hardship, especially by the unjust exercise of authority.” Oppressors are seen as task masters, abusers, merciless individuals who will rarely show compassion. Oppressors see their victims as slaves, not on their level, worthy of punishment, abuse and even death. Oppressors will oppress you for various reasons including gender, age, skin color, disability, beliefs, socioeconomic status and more. Just know that no matter what the reason is, this has been their role in your life and in order to overcome, you must forgive them.

Intention of Your Oppressor

The main role of your oppressor is to destroy you. Whether that is through intimidation, abuse, injustice and even death, your oppressor will not stop until they are satisfied with their passive or aggressive oppression, they’ve placed upon you. For instance, looking at the story of Egyptians in slavery in the Bible days, they were enslaved for 400 years. When Moses came to deliver them, Pharoah decided to make their work more cumbersome, and took away the resources they needed to be productive. Further, they were given leftover scraps/leeks to eat. No matter how many times they asked, they were never granted permission to escape with dignity and the spoils of the land. Can you imagine how they must have felt knowing that they and their ancestors were held captive? Or, that their children and grandchildren would only know slavery all their days? You see, an oppressor will not stop until your bloodline is either abolished or in complete torment. This is unfortunate but a sad reality that you must be cognizant of when you are dealing with an oppressor.

To deal with their oppressors, it had to be tough for the Israelites as they grappled with their mistreatment each day. However, they had to learn how to find peace during your endurance of injustice. If you have found that you are dealing with injustices like the Israelites in this modern day, be encouraged. Although slavery is not a focus of today’s time, there have been other forms of injustices noted and addressed at large in society and worldwide. You might not be completely free from oppressors but keep moving forward one day at a time.

Characteristics of an Oppressor

Oppressors are known for harsh treatment whether physical attacks, insults, verbal abuse, slander, put-downs, and even emotional mistreatment. Sometimes, oppressors will reject and neglect you to cause punishment, or will deny basic needs or desires as a form of keeping you down. Did you know that being ignored causes lower self-esteem than if someone is being punched in the face? Hence, you must be aware of the signs that your oppressors will perpetrate as they work towards shutting you down. Remember, if your oppressor really loved you or cared about you, they would show it.

Oppressor in Relationships

It is tough to realize that your oppressor is an oppressor when you are in a relationship. Usually, you would think an oppressor is a boss or someone not affiliated with family. However, many times, individuals find that they are either dating someone or are married to someone that is an oppressor. Unfortunately, people can change after they say their vows or when various circumstances take place within the relationships. This can lead to power struggles, abuse of power and even downright mockery of persons that said they love you. To recognize this situation, take a moment to reflect about the pros and cons regarding how your significant other treats you. Think about how they make you feel. Then, identify if your partner has characteristics of an oppressor. If this is true, seek marital counseling from a neutral source. Sometimes, going to a person who knows your family is tough because they can speak from a lens of bias, which would not help you in the long run. If you have gone to outside sources, done your best to be compliant and loving and yet nothing still works, then you know that there must be a change so you can walk in peace.

How to Forgive Your Oppressors

So, whether you are dealing with a boss, spouse, or another type of oppressor in a religious or business affiliation, here are some ways you can forgive your oppressor:

1.    Remember that they aren’t perfect

a.    I don’t care what your oppressor’s role is; they are not perfect. They are bound to mess up. Choose to forgive them so you can put these injustices behind you and move forward.

2.   Truly Empathize

a.    Why is your oppressor treating you the way that they are? Were they raised in a way that treated people of different gender, or ethnic backgrounds in a way that was abusive and oppressive? Did they experience some sort of trauma in their past that is impacting their ability to truly be respectful, caring, and loving?

3.   Refuse to Allow Your Oppressor a Negative Space in Your Mind and Heart

a.    When you forgive your oppressor, you are reliving yourself of negative energy. You are allowing them to be released, and in turn you are being released. Choosing to forgive them allows for you to focus on love towards others and love for yourself.

Conclusion

When you are trying to be free from oppression, the first step starts with forgiveness. Choose to forgive them and move forward by remembering that they are not perfect, truly empathizing with them, and refusing to allow them to have a negative mental or emotional space in your life.